Dating Among Africans In The Internet Age
BY PATIENCE TURTOE-SANDERS-(GUARDIAN)-How modern technology has shrunk the world! Previously, the postal service was
our main means of communication with loved ones all over the world. In Africa, telegram used to be used to send urgent
messages. "S.O.S." students would write to their parents when in desperate need of cash. But today the telegram has been
replaced by fax. As recently as the 80s and the early 90s in Nigeria, having a telephone was a luxury which only the rich could
afford, and ah, speaking with a loved one overseas was only a dream for the poor man. And the middle class, for instance went to
"Nitel," to place such a call to the admiration and envy of the poor. But not so anymore.
With the invention of affordable wireless services in Nigeria anybody can call anyone regardless of the caller's location. But this is
not all. The Internet has become a fascinating way to communicate. Parents, siblings and loved ones can now see each other
through a webcam regardless of the country where each is located. How things have changed in less than two decades!
The Internet has also provided alternative changes to traditions. People are no longer limited to dating only those close to where
they live. They can now date, and even marry through the Internet. Amazing! Heidi, an American met Joshua, a Nigerian through
the Internet, and after communicating with him for a short time, discovered that he was the Mr. Right she'd been looking for.
Then after four months, and against her family and friends advice, Heidi went to Nigeria, married Joshua, and stayed with him,
until he received his green card. Heidi and Joshua, now proud parents of three, have been living happily in America for six years.
But not all Internet dating experiences are as successful as Heidi's.
Jarina, a 27 year-old African nurse in Minnesota, also met a man, Roger, on the Internet. After several exchange of emails, Jarina
invited Roger to join her for a weekend. Roger was as striking and handsome as he'd appeared on the webcam. Jarina was
pleased, but amused by the big box, he carried. "You pack like me," she said. "I carry a lot of stuff even when traveling for just a
day." She offered to help Roger unpack his stuff, but he declined. "There's not much in the box," he said and sure enough, it was
light when she took it to her guest room. Odd. Roger took her out for dinner, and a movie, and then they returned home.
Roger was Jarina's guest. She'd known him for months so she gave no further thought to sharing her bed with him. Roger made
no attempt to get intimate with Jarina, which she appreciated so much that the next morning, she got up before sunrise and
made him a special African breakfast. Roger was pleased. He kissed her with each bite, showered her with affection and told her
what a good cook she was. Jarina was delighted. Roger knows how to please a woman.
The second day was spent dining out, going to movies, chitchat and visiting the malls. They went home afterward, and once
again, Roger asked nothing of her: they slept. The third day was a Sunday. Jarina took Roger to church and introduced him to
her pastor and members of her congregation, who welcome and honored him.
Since he was traveling back that evening, Roger thought it better for them to spend quiet moments together before he left. Jarina
agreed. At home, Roger asked, "So how do we say goodbye?" and he made his move. He's been patient, Jarina thought.
She gave in. But all of a sudden Roger got out of bed. Jarina thought it was odd for him to leave in the heat of passion. She
shrugged and started to get out of bed as well, but Roger soon returned with his big box. Ah! At last I'll see what is in the box.
Jarina looked as Roger opened the box. It's contents made no sense--ropes, rods, surgical blades and plastic bags. "What are
those for?" she asked.
"I like kinky stuff," Roger said as he brought out the ropes. "Here, tie me," he jumped into the bed and spread his arms and legs
apart.
"No," Jarina responded. "I don't do weird things."
"This is fun," Roger laughed. "Go ahead, tie me."
Jarina did as he asked.
"See, it's not so hard after all," Roger said. "Now tease me," he added.
"I don't understand," Jarina said.
Roger laughed. "I'll show you." He asked to be loosened. "Your turn," he said when he was free.
"No, no," Jarina said. "I don't feel comfortable with this.
"You'll like it," Roger encouraged. Jarina gave in. Roger tied each of her limbs to the bed, and then brought out the rod.
"What's that for?" Jarina asked.
"Shut up!" He suddenly became aggressive. "You ask too many questions. You do as I ask or you're dead." He started to hit her
stomach with the rod. Jarina shouted, but Roger became more infuriated and began to hit her all over her body. The more Jarina
yelled, the harder Roger whipped. "I'm a killer. That's my job," he shouted. "The Internet is my base."
"Please don't kill me," Jarina pleaded.
Roger ignored her plea. He took out the surgical blades and laid them on her bed. "If you do as I ask, I may spare your life
because you are a Christian and I fear God." He lifted the blade. "Which part of your body would you have me cut?"
Jarina began to wail. Roger beat her again. "I gave you a choice. I don't usually do that. I kill!"
"Jesus!," Jarina shouted.
Roger stopped: "Consider today your lucky day." He put his instruments back in his box, and got dressed up. As he headed out,
he stopped at the door and said, "A word of caution. Be careful of guys you contact on the Internet. There are lots of bad people
out there. I fear God; they don't."
When Jarina did not show up for work, her colleague alerted the police, who found her tied, but Roger's email had been
disconnected.
Dr. Turtoe-Sanders lives in the United States
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